Critics Unanimously Agree that “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Is A Movie

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Critics Unanimously Agree that “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Is A Movie

- By Mark Neuen for The 404s Press

[WARNING: The following article contains no spoilers whatsoever.]

This week, after years of speculation and an unprecedented marketing campaign, “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” was finally released. We’ve rounded up a number of experts who all decidedly conclude that this latest entry to the multi-billion dollar franchise is, in fact, a movie.

“It’s definitely a movie,” reported Canadian Film Institute member Thomas Smithee from Toronto. “There’s no doubt about that.” Smithee has been a watcher of these so-called movies and has a Ph.D in movies from the University of Movies.


He continues, “Star Wars: The Force Awakens is a visually-presented narrative with a distinct beginning, middle and end. It was presented in what is known as a ‘movie theatre’, where people exchange money for the right to sit in an enclosed space to observe the event. As such, it’s definitely a movie.”

Early critic reviews suggested that this entry to the “Star Wars” franchise was not a movie. This, despite unconfirmed reports that “actors” and a “director” had previously been seen together:


Critics quickly silenced any rumours, adding additional evidence. “Star Wars: The Force Awakens was accompanied by a music track that complimented the dialogue spoken by actors,” wrote Michael Storie of the website. “Other noises, called sound effects, were also included. There’s no doubt at all in my mind that this is a movie.”

Around the world, engineers and technology experts marveled at the technology used in “Star Wars”. Doctor Wesley Cannon of the Wetaskiwin Institute of Blinky Lights raved, “This thing used a device called a projector that converted digital data into patterns of light on a large semi-reflective surface. In the past, such technology did not exist at all – Disney and Lucasfilm have certainly outdone themselves this time!”


Some long-time fans however expressed disappointment. “I waited in line for weeks outside of stores for the release of ‘Star Wars’ toys, comics, costumes and video games,” said Teigan Blondo, a “Star Wars” fan leaving from an early screening in Calgary. “After all this time, to discover that ‘The Force Awakens’ is really a movie… I dunno, it just seems so anti-climactic.”

However, responses on social media strongly suggest the fact that the latest “Star Wars” is a movie will be positively received by fans:



 Now that “The Force Awakens” has been confirmed as a movie, speculation instantly turned to whether or not “Star Wars: Rogue One”, due to be released in December 2016, would also be a movie. “There’s really no way to tell,” said senior Bloomburg market analyst Mike Divo, shaking his head. “There are lots of ways Disney could play this. For all we know, it could be a new line of “Star Wars” boxer shorts. They certainly have the money to pull it off.”

Representatives from Disney and Lucasfilm were unavailable to comment as of this writing.

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